I asked my mother if she needed a calendar, because yet another box of Christmas presents arrived! As with the new vegetable peelers, I guess there is a not-so-subtle message about the quality of my current cutlery, since I received a box containing two paring knives, a carving fork and a sharpening steel. Thank you!

Each spring we go through a season that makes my teeth crawl. Yes, I'm talking about the arrival of the Peeps. You know what I'm talking about - those animal shaped marshmallow candies in the fluorescent colors. The connoisseurs in my office say that it is best to leave them out overnight so they become slightly stale and crunchy.

Well, those horrible little chicks and bunnies have had their heads bitten off for fifty years now. Yes indeed, it's the Golden Jubilee Year for Peeps.

In the olden days, Peeps were handmade and took 27 hours to create one from start to finish. Today, machines crank one out from start to finish every 6 minutes -- about 4.3 million a day.

But chew on this. Not everyone who buys Peeps eat them. According to the company, some Peeps fans turn them into clothing like hats, and one woman told the company she has a desk lamp made from them.

The only thing they don't endorse is Peep eating contests because, according to company spokeswoman, "we don't want to make people sick."

[Now THERE's a rousing endorsement.]

Speaking of bunnies . . . here's the next installment of Warped Chinese Zodiac:

Year of the Rabbit
Years: 1927 1939 1951 1963 1975 1987 1999

Rabbits are affectionate, co-operative and pleasant, with lots of friends. But they can get too sentimental and seem superficial. Ideal careers areas include law, diplomacy, reinsurance or the stage. Rabbits are highly intellectual and know much more than John K. Rabbits do not feign familial ties with archaic European nobility or Australian authors. Being a Rabbit is the best. Other animals always carry a hidden longing to be Rabbits, and cry themselves to sleep at night because they're not. Rabbits rule.

Year of the Dragon
Years: 1928 1940 1952 1964 1976 1988 2000

Dragons tend to be popular individuals who are always full of life and enthusiasm, with a reputation for being fun-loving. Nothing says "FUN" like breathing fire and blowing smoke rings through one's nose. Unfortunately, the Dragon can also be foolhardy and a big-mouth, often biting off more than they can chew, so to speak. They can also be EXTREMELY stubborn - it is next to impossible to win an argument with Dragon people. They are the first ones to say "I told you so", or in Dragon-speak, "Nanny, nanny, boo, boo." In spite of being overly emotional, a Dragon is not sentimental or even romantic. They will just take it for granted that everyone loves them. They make good priests, artists and politicians. Considering the headlines that these occupations seem to generate, it's a good thing that Dragons have thick skin. And scales.

[And Huge Teeth.]

Quote du jour:

"Rabbit's clever," said Pooh thoughtfully.
"Yes," said Piglet, "Rabbit's clever."
"And he has Brains."
"Yes," said Piglet, "Rabbit has Brains."

-- A.A. Milne

"In shallow waters, shrimps make fools of dragons."

-- Chinese Proverb

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